Today would have been his birthday had he lived. As I looked for a picture to place for this post, it was ironic I found a blue dove on one of my old websites. Blue doves was on the casket. It's been 8 years since I saw him on this side, but sometimes it feels like it's been longer and other times, it seems like he died yesterday and the grief is overwhelming. I was so busy at work and also working on a freelance assignment that was due by noon on Thursday, that I barely had time to think. I know why, because if I had time to think, I would get depressed. God knows what you need when you need it.

I wonder if he would be disappointed in the way my life has turned out or if he would be proud that I finally pursued my dreams. It took his death for me to see that I didn't have to wait until I retired to pursue it.

Words can't express how I feel when I think about all of the times I could have done more, said more, while he was living. All of the senseless disagreements no longer matter when your father is no longer here in the flesh. If it wasn't for my belief in the Heavenly Father, I would have fell apart when it happened. I have to draw nigh to the Lord to get through the down spells that come my way when I think about how my Mom lost the only man she loved, how my baby brothers are too without an earthly Father. I wonder if my baby brother would be where he was if my Dad was still alive. I wonder if I would be who I am today if he were still alive.

Today was not a bad day, just a day that when I was younger had no idea that I would be facing so soon. He died before his 50th birthday from a disease that once identified is hard to treat--lung cancer. Every time I hear someone say that "so and so" has lung cancer, I know their time is near. One of my friends lost her mother yesterday to cancer. A mutual friend just emailed me about it. The funeral will be in Dallas. My heart aches for my friend. I pray that she will allow herself to grieve and know that the angels are celebrating the homecoming of yet another saint.

The day my Dad died it was a beautiful fall day. Today, the day that would have been his birthday, was a beautiful day. I'm getting teary eyed so I'm going to end this post here in a minute.

I thank God for the 28 years I had. I was a Daddy's Girl and with your passing, I'm learning more and more that I'm still a Daddy's Girl, but this time I'm referring to my Heavenly Father.
I thank my earthly father for allowing me to see his spiritual transformation before he left this earth. I want to thank him for allowing me to know in my heart that he is in a better place and that he's no longer in pain.

I promised myself I wouldn't cry, but I did anyway.

¶ 11:25 PM

 princessdominique said...
You are in my prayers Shelia.  

 Shelia said...
Thank You Princess Dominique. I really appreciate it.  

 Peggy said...
How well I can relate. My dad left suddenly and unexpectedly also. I'm positive that he would be (is)overwhelmed with pride and joy at his baby girl today! You are a true tribute to him.
P  

 Shelia said...
Thanks Peggy. I hope so.  

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