Today has been a very emotional day. It started off on the "wrong track." The love of my life, who it appears may soon be the "ex love" of my life has been tripping. My heart is heavy right now and I'm tired of writing these painful poems. I need to feel some joy in my relationship again. As the pain in my heart subsides for a brief moment, I hope he realizes that the grass ain't greener on the other side. Nothing over there but some tumbleweeds. My imagination may be playing tricks on me, but then again, I do have some experience when it comes to the affairs of the heart and 1 plus 1 equals 2, not 3.

I have to realize everybody is not as mature as I am, so they are bound to play childish games. I'm a straightforward type of person. Don't get me wrong, I always use tact, but I will tell you what I think.
It's hard being opionated these days. But once I hit the 30 mark, I vowed to BE MYSELF and if the man don't like it, OH WELL. NEXT

I'm talking plenty of noise right now. I've gone through several emotions. One moment I'm sad because of the possibility of the demise of a relationshp that I've invested time, energy and my heart in. Another moment, I'm angry, because of the same reason and know that I've poured my all into it. Who wants failure? But when you've done the best you can do, what else can you do?
Then there's the part where I'm numb. Don't know which way to go, so I don't show any type of emotion. It's like playing roulette, don't know which way the relationship will go. But does anyone ever.

I thought this was it. You know the last time, I would have to deal with the dating scene. Someone who had my back 24/7. Someone I could depend on to have my best interests at heart. You know the whole nine yards. I had it for a moment. I guess I'm luckier than some, maybe even most.

But now I feel like I would have rather not had experienced any of it all, if it would end up breaking my heart in two. I've only been in love once before and well, I won't even go into it here (not enough bytes in cyberspace to talk about that one...lol). No matter what happens, I will allow myself to FEEL and release the emotions I'm feeling. I know I will be praying and praying and praying, because I need God's strength to embrace me and carrying me through this trying time in my life.

Now that I've depressed myself. I'll stop this entry.

¶ 3:50 PM

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